A couple of years ago, I got an email from an old friend. She hadn’t been married for very long and she needed some advice. She had recently married her high school sweetheart after reconnecting with him on Facebook.
Her email indicated that she needed some advice and wanted me to help her personally. She had recently found out that her husband of a few months was watching online porn and some other details she didn’t want to share. After she reassured me none of it would be considered illegal, we began to discuss their own sex life. It seems they didn’t have sex very often. The intimacy wasn’t really there when they did.
When she and I were in high school, we were taught that sex was very traditional and missionary. For the most part, we were led to believe that it was more for his enjoyment than ours. Thank goodness times have changed. In addition, I have made sure my own kids know differently. It’s all about mutual satisfaction. And for that, you need real intimacy.
After our talk, we ended back at the store. I took her on the same tour we give all our first timers in the back of the store. Throughout the tour, I discovered that she was willing to try the things her husband wanted. He could look to her for these things, not just go online. We loaded her up with several items and she very excitedly went on her way.
I did tell her, as I tell everyone, that watching porn can be very helpful to a marriage…for both a man and a woman. Not just men. There is nothing wrong with alone time. The issue Comes when it replaces the intimacy in a marriage. There has been a lot of debate on this topic. So, what makes me an expert? I mean, outside of the obvious reason.
This part takes me back to my 20′s when I was a video store manager. We had a pastor that would come in. He was, might still be, really good friends with the owner. He requested we bring in the Better Sex video series for his marriage counseling couples. He recommended them as part of their homework. He is one of the people who taught me that it’s ok when used appropriately.
This isn’t a funny story but I hope it helps.